And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
