i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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