Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
