Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
