I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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