I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
