would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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