You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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