i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
