This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
