We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
