He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
