Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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