If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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