Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
