The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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