Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize