My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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