i permit you to call me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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