My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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