I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
