An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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