still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
