is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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