I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
