i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
