Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
