Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
