ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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