Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
