I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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