DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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