we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
