i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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