Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I understand Curling. That high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
