mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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