bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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