You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
