I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
