Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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