We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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