my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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