so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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