He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize