I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
