Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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