people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
