Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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