The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
