and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
