So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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