go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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