Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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