So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
