New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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