if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
