i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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