Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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