Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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