You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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