Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
