remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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