is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
