Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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