i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
