Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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