They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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