Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
