I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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