u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
