fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
