I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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