CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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