I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
