we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
a search helicopter?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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