He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
