My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
