i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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